how to be human

Today I slept late because I could, and wandered downstairs at around noon. I was wearing a tank top and underpants, and had just hauled an overflowing basket of laundry downstairs and out it in the wash.

I had a crashing headache and as I collapsed on the couch I heard a light knock on the door, I hate people coming by unnanounced, and hate answering the door even more, so I kept really quiet and ignored it.

But the quiet knocks didn't go away and I started to think it was some of my friends, who I was going to a gala with later on that night. And, the door was unlocked and being my friends I thought that they might come in and yell for me (knowing how late i sleep) and there I would be, standing in my living room in my underwear. Ratty, holey pink underwear no less.

So I grabbed an old green towel that I had in front of the fire to kneel on whilst stoking, and wrapped it around me and went to answer the door. It was two Jehova's Witness men whom I had spoken to earlier in the summer and because I have no spine I had told them I would read their literature when they came back.

This time however, they asked for a woman named Val and I lied and said she wasn't here. They asked to leave some more brightly coloured pamphlets and as I opened the screen door to gram them, big Gus finally clued in to the fact that there were people at the door. He bounded over barking in full protection-mode and sort of leaned against the door. I panicked because I didn't want him to go out and have to vhase him around in my towel so I grabbed the door handle and shut it tightly.

on his paw.

Gus started screaming and crying and for a few long seconds I didn't understand why, until I looked down and saw his paw wedged in the door. I opened the door with one hand and went to pull his paw out with the other and my towl fell down.

Exposing my ratty pink underwear to the Jehova's Witness men.

Flustered and frustrated and feeling terribly for Gus I screamed "oh just FUCK OFF already!!" and slammed the door in their faces.

And that was how I started my day. I don't think they'll be back.

Posted by Six at Saturday, October 17, 2009 | 2 comments Links to this post
Labels: How I Spent My Day

when I was a young feminist, I was opposed to weddings, and indeed to marriage.

I thought that weddings were excessive, to me they represented most of what irritates me about myself and others - the insatiable desire to have for the sake of having; greed; all that is ostentatious and show-offy; and above all the desire, the insatiable to have the best, the most, at whatever cost.

and marriage. Marriage seemed a hard bargain. As a born researcher, all of the research I found tended towards the grim conclusions summarized by the generalization that "men in marriages are healthier, live longer, have more leisure time and perform less housework - for women, the reverse is true."

Moving past the studies, the percentages, I researched the history of marriage, how the current ideals about marriage had emerged. I read about women as chattel, as bargaining chips, as tools to forget better state relations, as her husbands property, and finally as the good wife, dinner on the table when her man got home.

none of this looked terrible appealing.

i struggled with these ideas and the cumulative findings of my research for most of our seven year relationship. yet, when after dating for two years he stated that he couldn't really see himself marrying me - i left.

and, nine months later, when he ended his campaign to get me back with a scrapbook of our history thus far and a deep, fervent desire to keep going, keep creating a joint history, to marry me one day, I jumped happily into his life once more.

and in June 2008 when he got down on one knee on Vancouver's rocky shore, and asked me, with a shining pearl, to be his wife, I happily, ecstatically, unequivocally accepted.

"Yes" I said through tears, "Of course"

Of course. After all of the research, of course.

i don't know why. it's a case of the numbers coming up against reality. one of my favorite sociology professors used to remind his young class that statistics mean nothing to the individual. and it's true. the fact that 50% of marriages apparently fail, has absolutely no bearing on two people in love, convinced that they are in the other 50%.

so, a wedding. a marriage.

the wedding was small, 30 people including the man and i.

and for all of my reservations, my determinations to do it as "un-wedding" as possible, nothing else would have brought together all of our friends and family scattered across the country. nothing else would have brought out such incredible and heartfelt displays of love and thoughtfulness amongst us.

I can orate all I want on my small soapbox about the tyranny of marriage, the disparity in housework hours, or salaries paid, but nothing else could have matched how I felt in this moment.

nothing. ever.

in that moment we looked at each other, like we have been doing for seven years, and promised to do that forever. we promised to be kind, despite the cruel words that sometimes escape us, and we promised to protect each other, come what may.

the small group assembled behind us was asked if they gave their blessing to our marriage.

"We do"they said.

and the group, made up of everyone that mattered, was asked if they would do everything in their power in the coming years to help us keep our marriage strong.

"We will" they said.

and I don't think I have the words for that feeling.

so, a wedding. Now the marriage.